Indians 9, Blue Jays 4
It’s that time again — midterm report card time.
The majority of students at Cleveland Indians High will be receiving positive letters on the home front, with the team tied atop the Central Division standings with defending American League champion Detroit through Friday.
But as always, there are a few rotten apples who have tried to ruin things for the other students. I know. I was one of them.
STATS THROUGH FRIDAY
Position: Second baseman; Stats: .257, 2 HR, 37 RBIs; Grade: C+
Remarks: Josh has been a banner student in the field but the faculty was wondering whether Mr. Barfield could show his son how to hit American League pitching on a more consistent basis?
Position: Relief pitcher; Stats: 1-0, 1.19 ERA; Grade: A
Remarks: Though other schools and umpires have voiced concerns over Rafael’s delayed delivery, we believe he should not change any part of his approach.
Position: Third baseman; Stats: .277, 13 HR, 45 RBIs; Grade: B+
Remarks: While we here at CIH frown upon facial hair, Casey does own the major league’s longest hitting streak and he has taken over nicely at third base.
Position: Relief pitcher; Stats: 1-3, 5.51 ERA, 25 saves; Grade: B
Remarks: Other than a few rather serious disciplinary infractions, Joseph has been an effective closer. The entire staff is hoping we don’t have any more incidents in the second half.
Position: Starting pitcher; Stats: 7-3, 4.71 ERA; Grade: B-
Remarks: The faculty applauds Paul for his fast start and impressive streak without an unintentional walk but we note that his ERA is starting to creep into the 5.00 range.
Position: Relief pitcher; Stats: 1-2, 4.73 ERA; Grade: D
Remarks: We’re not pleased that we have once again provided an academic atmosphere for Fernando to thrive in and that he has chosen to disrupt the classroom, while spending far too much time in the principal’s office.
Position: Starting pitcher; Stats: 9-4, 3.78 ERA; Grade: A
Remarks: Fausto is setting an example for our young students after a difficult school year last season.
Position: Outfielder; Stats: .234, 4 HR, 20 RBIs; Grade: D+
Remarks: Obviously, everyone on the staff feels for the entire Dellucci family after the injury, but the school did make a significant financial investment this offseason and we were wondering if you would like to make a donation?
Position: Outfielder; Stats: .417, 3 HR, 5 RBIs; Grade: Inc.
Remarks: Though we are pleased with what we have seen from Ben in his short time on the varsity level, we didn’t feel issuing him a letter grade would be fair to the other students.
Position: Relief pitcher; Stats: 3-1, 1.71 ERA; Grade: C+
Remarks: Aaron did not stand out in the classroom before sustaining his injury. We’re all hoping he does so during the second half of the school year.
Position: First baseman; Stats: .294, 9 HR, 30 RBIs; Grade: B
Remarks: Ryan has provided all the proof our staff needs that he deserves to be on the varsity level. Our admission’s office made the right choice.
Position: Outfielder; Stats: .288, 4 HR, 9 RBIs; Grade: B
Remarks: In the past, Franklin has struggled to fit in with the other varsity students, but he has done a better job this school year, earning the older kids respect with impressive defensive efforts.
Position: Designated hitter; Stats: .259, 14 HR, 55 RBIs; Grade: C+
Remarks: Again, the school’s guidance counselor is available for Travis during his free periods and the faculty is prepared to do everything in its power to help him during this difficult time.
Position: Relief pitcher; Stats: 3-1, 6.23 ERA; Grade: F
Remarks: The staff feels it would be in the best interests of both parties that Roberto considers transferring to another school.
Position: Starting pitcher; Stats: 5-5, 5.23 ERA; Grade: C-
Remarks: Clifton Phifer Lee, stand in the corner until you stop allowing five runs and night and a bunch of homers.
Position: Third baseman; Stats: .180, 1 HR, 8 RBIs; Grade: F
Remarks: We regret to inform you that Andy was not prepared to fill one of our fulltime positions on the varsity level and has been dropped to the junior varsity roster in Buffalo, where you can reach him until at least September.
Position: Catcher; Stats: .325, 15 HR, 67 RBIs; Grade: A
Remarks: Victor is on his way to a National Honor Society season and was by far our best offensive student through the first semester.
Position: Relief pitcher; Stats: 6-2, 4.63 ERA; Grade: C
Remarks: We were all expecting more from Thomas, one of the bullpen’s brightest lights last school year.
Position: Outfielder; Stats: .289, 6 HR, 26 RBIs; Grade: B
Remarks: Jason continues to work well with others.
Position: Relief pitcher; Stats: 0-0, 10.57 ERA; Grade: D+
Remarks: Edward is on the verge of academic probation. Please contact the administrative offices during school hours at your earliest convenience.
Position: Outfielder; Stats: .240, 2 HR, 25 RBIs; Grade: D+
Remarks: Though the faculty feels Trot is a positive influence on the other students, we also believe it may be time for him to strongly consider applying for a teacher’s assistant position.
Position: Shortstop; Stats: .276, 14 HR, 50 RBIs; Grade: A-
Remarks: See what summer school can do for a student? You should be proud of what Jhonny has accomplished after academic struggles last year. The staff still feels the family should consider a first-name change, though.
Position: Relief pitcher; Stats: 0-0, 1.90 ERA; Grade: B+
Remarks: Rafael has shown surprising poise and effectiveness for a young transfer student. We think he will be a great addition to the school should he stray from negative influences.
Position: Infielder; Stats: .125, 0 HR, 3 RBIs; Grade: D-
Remarks: If Michael doesn’t start contributing more in the classroom, we may be forced to look for a replacement on the junior varsity level.
Position: Starting pitcher; Stats: 12-3, 3.58 ERA; Grade: A
Remarks: Forget what the school nurse said about the diet. Carsten Charles II is just fine pitching at his current weight.
Position: Catcher; Stats: .349, 4 HR, 17 RBIs; Grade: A
Remarks: Though we would hate to lose a budding student, there may be an opportunity at another school for Kelly in a starting role.
Position: Outfielder; Stats: .281, 14 HR, 45 RBIs, 24 SB Grade: A
Remarks: Though we continue to be somewhat concerned over the attention Grady receives from the female students, he continues to thrive in the classroom.
Position: Starting pitcher; Stats: 1-6, 6.93 ERA; Grade: F
Remarks: Upon further review, the faculty decided we had erred and that it would serve Jeremy better to pitch on the junior varsity level, while the team fills his position with someone who actually gets hitters out.
Position: Starting/relief pitcher; Stats: 1-1, 4.71 ERA; Grade: B-
Remarks: Jason filled in admirably when one of our starting pitchers on the varsity level was demoted. Because of that, administration has decided to allow him to enroll on an interim basis. Any digression in the classroom could lead to demotion.
Position: Starting pitcher; Stats: 1-4, 6.27 ERA; Grade: D
Remarks: We fear the abdominal injury suffered early in season has prevented Jacob Cauthen from being the model student we have known him to be in the past.
Position: Manager; Stats: 51-35 (first place); Grade: A
Principal’s remarks: We hold our teachers to high standards here at Cleveland Indians High and the team’s first-place standing is proof that Mr. Wedge takes them seriously.
Contact Chris Assenheimer at 329-7137 or firstname.lastname@example.org.
WHO: Cleveland vs. Toronto
WHERE: Rogers Centre, Toronto
PITCHERS: Byrd (7-3, 4.71 ERA) vs. Towers (4-5, 5.71)
TV/RADIO: STO; WEOL 930-AM, WTAM 1100-AM